Ah(choo), Spring…

Spring (ah-choo) is right around the corner (sniff), and you know what that means.

 “New flowers?”


“Robins and bluebirds returning home?”


“Spring Break?”


“Then what?”

When all the plants decide to have a major orgyfest and dispense their seed all over the world, resulting in (ahh…ahh…ahhh…) hmm…seems to be holding down for now (CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) pollen.

The pollen is more deadly than any chemical a bioterrorist would think to release into the atmosphere or our water supply.  If you live in the South, you know what I’m talking about.  Our pollen counts are higher than the national deficit.  Pine, grass, pine, oak, pine, dogwood, and pine seem to be the main culprits.

Car washes expect to profit high from this.  It doesn’t matter that we’ve been in a drought lately.  From the looks of things, I’d say we’re slowly pulling out of the drought.  The pollen will turn everything outside a yellowish green.  If you’re wearing a yellowish-green shirt, it will become more yellowish-green.  If you’re wearing a red shirt, it will become yellow-green.  Your blue jeans will turn into green jeans.  Then you can audition for a part on the “Captain Kangaroo” show.

When they wrote the song “Follow the Yellow-Brick Road” they had the South in early Springtime on their mind.  Bernie Taupin must have recently visited the South during the Spring when he wrote the song “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” for Elton John.  He must have watched the rain wash it all away.  If he had stayed an extra day or two, it would have come back.

As far as the birds and the bees are concerned, they help spread the pollen.  They make it worse.  I saw three robins hopping around on the grass outside my office window on Friday, February 29.  It’s too early.  Spring will be here very soon.

 Spring and its association with birds always calls up a rather dark melody by one Tom Lehrer in my mind.

Apparently the rat lied.


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