Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

Ah(choo), Spring…

March 3, 2008

Spring (ah-choo) is right around the corner (sniff), and you know what that means.

 “New flowers?”


“Robins and bluebirds returning home?”


“Spring Break?”


“Then what?”

When all the plants decide to have a major orgyfest and dispense their seed all over the world, resulting in (ahh…ahh…ahhh…) hmm…seems to be holding down for now (CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) pollen.

The pollen is more deadly than any chemical a bioterrorist would think to release into the atmosphere or our water supply.  If you live in the South, you know what I’m talking about.  Our pollen counts are higher than the national deficit.  Pine, grass, pine, oak, pine, dogwood, and pine seem to be the main culprits.

Car washes expect to profit high from this.  It doesn’t matter that we’ve been in a drought lately.  From the looks of things, I’d say we’re slowly pulling out of the drought.  The pollen will turn everything outside a yellowish green.  If you’re wearing a yellowish-green shirt, it will become more yellowish-green.  If you’re wearing a red shirt, it will become yellow-green.  Your blue jeans will turn into green jeans.  Then you can audition for a part on the “Captain Kangaroo” show.

When they wrote the song “Follow the Yellow-Brick Road” they had the South in early Springtime on their mind.  Bernie Taupin must have recently visited the South during the Spring when he wrote the song “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” for Elton John.  He must have watched the rain wash it all away.  If he had stayed an extra day or two, it would have come back.

As far as the birds and the bees are concerned, they help spread the pollen.  They make it worse.  I saw three robins hopping around on the grass outside my office window on Friday, February 29.  It’s too early.  Spring will be here very soon.

 Spring and its association with birds always calls up a rather dark melody by one Tom Lehrer in my mind.

Apparently the rat lied.


Worst. Pain. EVER.

January 24, 2008

I’m a bit late posting this.  Yesterday morning about 3:30 AM I woke up with the most excruciating pain.  Yes, friends, I had a charley/charlie horse.

 What causes the torture in the calf muscles?  According to WedMD, it can be due to:

  • Too much exercise or overuse of muscles (not highly likely for me)
  • Standing on hard surfaces (concrete, pavement) for long periods of time, or sitting for a long time (the latter of which is highly likely)
  • Putting your legs in an awkward position while you sleep (no comment…make up your own dirty jokes)
  • Lack of potassium, calcium, or other minerals in your blood (highly possible)
  • Dehydration (which is surprising, since I drink a lot of tea every day)
  • Certain meds like antipsychotics, steroids, diuretics, or statins (drugs are bad, m’kay?)
  • Flat Feet (My feet aren’t flat!  They’re just blig bloned!)
  • Thyroid disease

I’ve had the cramps in the past, but far and few between have they happened.  The most recent one (yesterday morning) was probably the worst one ever.  It’s suggested that you walk around and jiggle your leg a bit.  The last thing anyone wants to do to a hurt leg is use it.  It’s also suggested to stretch the calf muscle.  If you’re sitting down, stretch out your leg and flex your foot towards your knee.  You might want to place a towel under the ball of your foot, and pull both ends of the towel towards you, while keeping your knee straight.  If standing, stand a couple of feet from a wall, and lean towards the wall.  Keep the hurt leg straight, with the heel flat on the floor, and bend the other knee.

The cure sounds even worse than the pain itself.  Just give me a couple of Advil or Tylenol and call it good.

On the dehydration thing…it is possible to be dehydrated while you still drink a lot of fluids.  Sodas, sweetened tea or coffee, fruit juices made from concentrate, etc. all contain sugars and/or caffeine, which can cause dehydration.  Alcohol can also cause dehydration.  Why do you think whenever you drink a glass of tea or soda with your dinner, you always have to have more?  It’s not because it tastes good.  You’re getting dehydrated.

This morning I bought a small bottle (13.5 oz.) of Simply Orange brand orange juice.  My leg was still cramping a bit this morning, but after drinking the juice, it no longer cramps.  That’s because it’s real liquid that won’t dehydrate, and it’s a good source of potassium, which helps strengthen muscles.  If you limit your caffeine or alcohol intake, drink plenty of water, and consume foods rich in potassium, calcium, and magnesium, you can lessen your leg cramps.

Is it too early?

January 23, 2008

Is it too early to be making sick jokes about someone’s death?

I’m sure you’ve heard the news by now that actor Heath Ledger, whose most memorable role was that of Ennis Del Mar in the 2005 smash hit “Brokeback Mountain,”  died yesterday of a possible drug overdose.

Possible my ass.

According to a police spokesman, “pills were found within the vicinity of the bed”. Later, they reported that the pills were prescription meds, including sleeping pills. According to earlier reports, the pills were “strewn about,” but this is not true.

I still say he probably wished he knew how to quit the pills.

I don’t think he was sick of pills. It’s too early in Winter to be sick of pills.

I wonder if he was sick of acting. It’s too early to be sick of acting.

OK, OK…I’ll work clean from now on. He will be missed. What gets me is that he was my age.  My heart goes out to his family and friends who will miss him greatly.