Archive for the ‘Hollywood’ Category

Is it too early?

January 23, 2008

Is it too early to be making sick jokes about someone’s death?

I’m sure you’ve heard the news by now that actor Heath Ledger, whose most memorable role was that of Ennis Del Mar in the 2005 smash hit “Brokeback Mountain,”  died yesterday of a possible drug overdose.

Possible my ass.

According to a police spokesman, “pills were found within the vicinity of the bed”. Later, they reported that the pills were prescription meds, including sleeping pills. According to earlier reports, the pills were “strewn about,” but this is not true.

I still say he probably wished he knew how to quit the pills.

I don’t think he was sick of pills. It’s too early in Winter to be sick of pills.

I wonder if he was sick of acting. It’s too early to be sick of acting.

OK, OK…I’ll work clean from now on. He will be missed. What gets me is that he was my age.  My heart goes out to his family and friends who will miss him greatly.

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Fedelitee Fidoosheearee Baync

January 22, 2008

Inspired by the “Banker Cat” picture from I Can Has Cheezburger, here is my remake of “Fidelity Fiduciary Bank” from the Walt Disney movie and musical, “Mary Poppins”:

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Fidlstix Kitteh! Yooz ur tupins 2 feed teh lolbirdz n wat do u has? Fat lolbirdz! Waytaminit…

But…

Eef u nvest ur tupins
Wyzlee n teh baync
Sayf n sownd
Soon dat tupins,
Sayflee nvested n teh baync,
Will compowndz

N jool acheeve dat sins ov conkwest
As ur affluins expandz
N teh pawz ov teh dyrektrs
Hoo nvest as propryetee demandz

U see, Hoomin, u’ll be part of
Bukkets 4 lolruses
karots 4 lolhamsterz
loadz n loadz ov cheezburgerz
sockses 4 teh goggies
Spyholz 4 teh ceilingcat 2 look thru

Aw frum tupins, proodntlee
Frootfulee, frooglee nvestd
N teh, 2 b spesifik,
N teh Dawz, Tomz
Mouselee, Grubz
Feedelitee Fidoosheearee Baync!

Nao, Hoomin,
Wen u deposit tupins n a baync akownt
Soon jool c
Dat it bloomz n2 credit ov a ginerus amownt
Semeeanyoolee
N u’ll acheev dat sens ov stachur
As ur nflooens expandz
To teh hi fynanchul strata
Dat establisheded credit nao commandz

U can has firstee n sekund trust deedz
Fink ov teh 4closhurz!
Bondz! Chattelz! Divdendz! Shayrz!
Bayncrupceez! Debtor saylz!

Opportuniteez!
Al manr ov pryvut ntrpryz!
Shipyardz! Teh merkantyl!
Collierez! Tannereez!
Ncorporashunz! Amalgamashunz! Bayncs!

Wyl stand teh bayncs ov Ingerland
Ingerland standz
Wen fal teh bayncs ov Ingerland
Ingerland fallz

U see, Hoomin
Al 4 teh lak ov
Tupins, pashentlee, cawshuslee trustenglee nvestd
N teh, 2 b spesifik,
N teh Dawz, Tomz
Mouselee, Grubz
Feedelitee Fidoosheearee Baync!